Conflict Resolution: Unity Within the Christian Community

“Can’t we all just get along?” You’ve voiced those words in frustration, hoping that the children in the home, the workers at the office, the citizens in the city, or the members in the church would take a deep breath and act civil toward one another. We put the fire out in one place, and it flames up in another. Jesus said offenses must come in this world. Every individual has an opinion, has an ego, and has a will. How do we arbitrate? How do we ease the tension? How do we coexist? One day the lion will lay down with the Lamb, but Jesus hasn’t come back yet, the Golden Millennium has not yet arrived, and my next-door neighbor hasn’t yet loaded up his moving van. We share a property line, but he keeps crossing it.

Every conflict has its own causes and cures, so each must be approached with wisdom particular to the situation, but there are some rules that apply in all relational issues. I like the quote by German Lutheran theologian Rupertus Meldenius –“In essentials unity, in non-essentials liberty, in all things charity.” You say that was St. Augustine’s quote? Perhaps. Someone else attributed it to John Wesley. Should we argue about where it originated? No? Okay. Point made.

We are discussing conflict resolution in the Christian Community, which we take to mean those who profess the name of Jesus Christ in a local or broad social context. I don’t expect communists and Capitalists to see eye-to-eye, nor left-wing liberals and right-wing conservatives. There is no way Church or State can superimpose a false utopia on a society. There will be no peace until the Prince of Peace returns and establishes His kingdom of peace. Until then peace must be made by treaties, conventions, talks, compromises, and sometimes all-out war. But if within the Christian Community conflicts cannot be resolved then there is no hope for the greater conflicts among the nations of the world. As believers in Christ, we are called in“all lowliness and meekness” to make every effort to “keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:2,3). Are you striving to maintain unity, or are you fighting to get your own way?

1. Begin with an assumption of Christian unity

Christ prayed that we may be one. David envisioned unity – “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1) There is one body, one Lord, one baptism, one faith, etc.It is not the name on the door that makes us one, but the blood on the door. The common denominator of all denominations is Christ, crucified, buried, risen. Again, in essentials unity, in non-essentials liberty. There is no unity outside the Gospel, hence it is not right for believers to compromise core beliefs, or “go along to get along”. We are not of the world and will never get along with the world.

But though I have one nose and belly button, unity, I have two knees, two ears, two hemispheres of my brain, two shoulders, and two nostrils, diversity. The body of Christ is unity in diversity. Theology is one thing, style is another. The key to the integrity of any body, especially the Body of Christ, is its balance. Two legs are better than one.

2. Seek to live at peace with all men

“If it is possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). Notice, if it is possible. The world is full of cantankerous, self-opinionated, unmovable people. But even the tough cases can be softened with the tenderness of Christ. You can subdue a mean dog with a baseball bat, but you can also draw him in with a handful of hamburger meat.

John rejoiced that the children of the elect lady were walking in love. Love is a choice, not merely a feeling. Love covers a multitude of sins. It doesn’t gossip or broadcast them to the community. Take the high road. Euodias and Syntyche had both served on Paul’s ministry team, so though they had differences, they were still believers in Christ. The two were responsible to iron out their differences and “be of the same mind in the Lord”, but when they failed to do so, intervention became necessary – “And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, helpthosewomen which labored with me in the gospel…” (Philippians 4:2,3) Are you helping the situation, or harming?

3. Respect the opinions of others

As everyone has a big nose in the middle of their face so they have an opinion. Have you ever considered that the other guy’s opinion might be right? The ways of a man are always right in his own eyes, said Solomon. And the most “right” or opinionated people on the planet are fundamental Pentecostals, and I am one of them. We seldom confess to being wrong on an issue, but could we perhaps be one-tenth wrong?

Keep Jesus as the centerpiece. There are a thousand interpretations regarding dress, the Rapture, tongues, church order, the proper roles of men and women, and what not. Know what you believe and stick to your guns in personal convictions but rally around Jesus in the Christian Community. You will notice that Paul places “unity of the Spirit” (Ephesians4:2) before “unity of the faith” (Ephesians 4:13). We are coming closer to the perfect man, the full stature of Christ and the unity of faith envisioned by Paul with each passing year. The church may not ultimately see things my way, but she will at last see things Christ’s way! This Age culminates with the presentation of a glorious Church without spot or wrinkle.

4. We are under-shepherds, the flock belongs to Jesus

We are the sheep of His pasture. And He has other sheep that we don’t know of. You may think certain people are your sheep, but sheep that don’t stay with you are not your sheep. Your sheep know the shepherd’s voice and they come home to you for leading and feeding. If others don’t follow your voice, let them go. The Great Shepherd will lead them to the right pasture.

5. If you don’t communicate things will terminate 

In conflict resolution and counseling, Robert Schuller advised that we speak frankly, firmly, fairly, and with faith. But speak we must. You may need to swallow pride and be the first to make a call, or text, or visit. If your brother has anything against you go to him and seek reconciliation. That is contrary to the flesh. The natural man thinks, if a person has ought against me, that is his or her problem, they should be the first to make the apology. But Christ is so concerned about oneness in His body that He expects the stronger soul to take the first step. Silence leads to suspicion. Communication unmasks true feelings, helps the other understand dissenting viewpoints and builds bridges. 

6. Think reconciliation, not retaliation

Vengeance belongs to the Lord. Be sure there will be a reckoning for egregious sins and offenses, but some battles are not your fight. When you enter the boxing ring you may well win the fight but will also lose the friendship. God has given mature believers the “ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18). Blessed are the peacemakers, not peace takers. We are to join opposing hands together. We are to be the salt that makes lost souls thirsty for God.“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves” (Philippians 2:3).

7. Some attempts at conflict resolution will only lead to further conflict

Bullheaded people normally get turned over to their own ways. There is no reasoning with a dictator or tyrant. And don’t think there are no dictatorships or tyranny in the Christian Community. My brethren, these things ought not so to be, said Pastor James. Sometimes lawyers walk away from the negotiation table and head into the battle of the courtroom. Don’t let the conflict spiral out of control. I beg the married couple to communicate before they terminate. Let go of the grudge. Pour out your heart to God in prayer and if need be deep repentance. Very few human relationships are beyond the power of God’s love. Paul declared, “Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8). With enough love things will start to give. But when love is spurned, what more can be done, the matter then moves over to the hands of justice.